"I felt there was part of me missing"

Although I was brought up a Catholic I never felt comfortable saying I was a Christian. I had always known Jesus but felt I needed more direction. I rarely went to church, although I still prayed. I started to pray about what my next step would be.

A short while later I was leafing through the night classes section of the newspaper when the title "What is Christianity all about?" leapt out at me. I can't remember the exact details but it was open to any denomination or anyone interested.

The title really appealed to me - it was totally non-threatening and didn't mention Jesus, being saved, seeking God or anything else that narrowed the topic or meant pressure to commit. So I enrolled. I went with the intention of just wanting to see what it was all about but most of all wondered if my heart would be touched by what I learned.

Nicky Gumbel's first tape 'Who is Jesus?' was particularly brilliant. The way of the lawyer logically building evidence appealed to my mind but it was the humour and openness with which he spoke about his initial fear of the Christian stereotype that really struck a chord. In subsequent videos he answered most of my questions and voiced most of the fears I had. Through his gift of capturing his audience, Nicky took us on a journey that was enriching and addictive too, so much so, that I didn't want to miss a session.

What I came to really cherish too were the people in the group. We came from diverse backgrounds; some were already Christians, others had been brought up with a range of church backgrounds and some people had no Christian influences at all. I found I could relax because our facilitators took a non-judgmental approach and let us discuss anything that came up. I felt safe enough after a few sessions to share my New Age (for want of a better term) experiences, my feelings of alienation from the Church, its patriarchy, and other women's issues. We covered many controversial areas and personal bitterness and were honest about the glaring gaps in our knowledge, especially about the Holy Spirit.

Over the 10 weeks my knowledge grew, my heart was touched many times and I finally committed myself freely.

A year later I consider myself a "baby Christian" and at times I try to run before I can even walk but God keeps opening up opportunities for me to receive the guidance I need.

I always felt there was a part of me missing and I thought it was my human soulmate. When I opened myself to receive the Holy Spirit I realised later that I finally felt whole - the missing part was the Holy Spirit, the most perfect soulmate of all.