From AA to AlphaAs a child I went to Sunday school and always enjoyed it. When I was ten my family moved to D'urville Island in the Sounds. I can remember having chats to God in my bedroom and outside around nature. We moved to Nelson for a year and I occasionally went to an Anglican Church there. Our next move was to Greymouth. My pre-teen and teenage years were dominated by obsession. Obsession with my weight, body image and boys, with alcohol and drugs. In all these things I was trying to find happiness. Two common feelings I had were fear and loneliness. Everything was about the future and I wasn't happy living then. At age 14 I began drinking. At age 15 I attempted suicide. Age 16 was a blur of drugs and alcohol. At 17 I tried again to kill myself ending up in a rehabilitation centre. I began a journey in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I was 19 I ended up in another rehabilitation centre, the Salvation Army Bridge Programme. In the ten weeks I was there I started finding God again. I never really believed God would forgive me and I was consumed with feelings of failure, fear and self-hatred. The next five years were spent living a life that was soul destroying in every way possible. I drank alcohol, used drugs, had a baby, an abortion, prostituted myself - all ways of trying to escape my reality. On 17 June 1997 I deliberately overdosed on alcohol and methadone. I didn't care if I died and I wanted my three year old son to be taken off me for his own safety. I just wanted to be locked away from the world. One day I was wandering aimlessly at varsity to avoid doing study, when I saw on a notice board a poster advertising a course for people who were interested in Christianity. The notice caught my attention. The course sounded interesting and non-threatening. I believe now that God presented me with an opportunity. At the time I was at a desperate point in my life. I was barely functioning as a single parent and a student. I had tried earlier in the year to end my life. Addiction to alcohol and drugs was consuming most of my time and energy. When I read on the poster about Alpha and what it offered; videos, discussion and dessert, I decided to give it a go. For me this was a huge step as to get out of bed in the mornings and get my son ready for pre-school felt like an achievement in itself. I went along to Alpha on the first Wednesday night feeling nervous and fearful of the unknown. When I admitted complete defeat to God and cried out for help, God answered. God led me to the Alpha course, where I was taught about the love of Jesus, his grace and his complete forgiveness. I knew I was not alone.The most effective way I can relate what Alpha has done for me and my life, is to relay my diary entries at the time of the course.
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